Why Mental Toughness is Your Essential Skill (Featured in YouthWise Magazine 2023)
Forgiveness means different things to different people. Generally, however, it involves a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge.
The act that hurt or offended you might always be with you, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help free you from the control of the person who harmed you. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you or making up with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.
Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for improved health and peace of mind. Forgiveness can lead to:
Being hurt by someone, particularly someone you trust, can cause anger, sadness and confusion. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.
Some people are naturally more forgiving than others. But even if you’re a grudge holder, almost anyone can learn to be more forgiving.
If you’re unforgiving, you might:
Forgiveness is a commitment to a personalised process of change. To move from suffering to forgiveness, you might:
As you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.
Forgiveness can be challenging, especially if the person who’s hurt you doesn’t admit wrong. If you find yourself stuck:
If the hurtful event involved someone whose relationship you otherwise value, forgiveness can lead to reconciliation. This isn’t always the case, however.
Reconciliation might be impossible if the offender has died or is unwilling to communicate with you. In other cases, reconciliation might not be appropriate. Still, forgiveness is possible — even if reconciliation isn’t.
Getting another person to change his or her actions, behaviour or words isn’t the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to wield in your life.
The first step is to honestly assess and acknowledge the wrongs you’ve done and how they have affected others. Avoid judging yourself too harshly.
If you’re truly sorry for something you’ve said or done, consider admitting it to those you’ve harmed. Speak of your sincere sorrow or regret and ask for forgiveness — without making excuses.
Remember, however, you can’t force someone to forgive you. Others need to move to forgiveness in their own time. Whatever happens, commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect.
Write your thoughts down about the situation.
Write what you believe would be the other personas thoughts and views.
Write as a third party big picture perspective about the situation and how forgiveness will positively impact the situation.
If you enjoyed this article. Please review the Wundertraining workshops on ‘Leadership‘ and ‘Positive Leadership‘
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Do not follow where the path may lead.
Go instead, where there is no path and leave a trail.
Jane Wundersitz
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